[Lady Justice 01] - Lady Justice Takes a C.R.A.P. by Robert Thornhill

Author:Robert Thornhill [Thornhill, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Humorous, General
ISBN: 9781481287579
Google: SnJYzXzYDGkC
Amazon: 1481287575
Barnesnoble: 1481287575
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Published: 2009-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

I am meticulous about my grooming. Maggie makes sure of that.

Now I do understand the problem. I have found that as I grow older my hair follicles are migrating south. As the years have passed I have discovered I have less hair on my head, but overall, I haven’t really lost it. It just relocated to my ears, nose, and eyebrows, and Maggie doesn’t like it.

It’s a constant battle keeping ahead of the little guys. Have you ever tried clipping the hairs out of your ears? First of all, how do you see in your ears? It can’t be done. I tried once and almost gave myself a lobe-botomy. Since then, I have to slip my barber, Mac, a couple of extra bucks to trim the forest out of my ears. And boy, do these babies grow fast. Sometimes I think someone is pouring Miracle-Gro in my ears when I’m asleep.

And don’t get me started on the nose hairs. Where do they come from? Back when I was selling, Maggie said to me, “How can you expect your buyers to concentrate on your contract when all they can think about is that big gray thing sticking out of your nose?”

Real Estate 101.

And even worse, one evening I’d picked Maggie up for an evening out, and as we were driving along I noticed Maggie looking at me. I was expecting, “Oh, sweetie, I really missed you today,” or “I’ve really been looking forward to this evening.” Instead, I got, “You might want to tuck that thing back up in your nose till you get home tonight.”

Great. That always sets the mood for a romantic evening.

I hate clipping nose hairs, but a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, so I bought a Remington Turbo. It scares the shit out of me when I think about sticking Turbo up my nose. I’m always afraid it will pull instead of cut. You ever pull out a nose hair? Hurts like hell and it sounds like a Black and Decker, which doesn’t help. But it does have a little light that shines up my nostril before I poke it in.

Very high tech.

Maggie doesn’t like bushy eyebrows either. She says I look like Wilford Brimley, the old guy who does commercials on TV and looks like he’s got two white hairy caterpillars chasing each other across his forehead. I don’t want that, so I have a tiny little pair of scissors that Maggie got me for Christmas sitting on the shelf by my Remington Turbo.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.